The day Ronald and Lucas left to their camping trip
Ransley wiggled his fingers, bounced his knee up and down, glanced around him over and over again, biting his lip. He was waiting for Lucas to come for a milkshake with him at Poppy’s before he would go into the woods with his best friend, Ronald.
I can’t, Ransley thought. I won’t do it.
He felt weird. Conflicted between his feelings for Lucas and his unstable mind. His mind was not always his own and his heart was beating fast, his mind was a mess.
You need to do it, said another voice inside Ransley’s head. Do it!
Ransley pressed his palms on his face and tried breathing slowly.
I can’t do it.
Scare them a little. It will be fun. It will ease your pain.
I can’t!
But you need to.
“Ransley!” Lucas voice broke through his mind. “Did you order already?”
Ransley lifted his head up and looked at Lucas, shocked. The younger boy smiled at him, leaned in and gave him a kiss before sitting on the other side of the table. Seeing Lucas made Ransley’s restless mind calm down, he couldn’t help but smile and his eyes followed Lucas’ every move as if like his life depended on it.
“I did order”, Ransley said abruptly, remembering that Lucas had asked him a question and he had been just staring at him.
Lucas tilted his head. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine”, Ransley said and smirked out of habit. “It’s just a headache.”
Their waitress came with their milkshakes and then Ransley and Lucas drank for a moment in silence. While Lucas was staring at his milkshake being completely oblivious when Ransley stared at him and listened his mind.
It was quiet.
It happened always when he was with Lucas: his mind just went blank, it went quiet. It left him alone. Like yesterday when they had been dancing at Poppy’s and people had clapped at them. He had forgot about all his stress and nervousness.
“I can tell Ronald is not excited about this camping trip”, Lucas said suddenly and smiled, “but I am. I can’t wait! Nothing beats a good camping trip.”
“I hope you have fun”, Ransley said. “I want you to have fun.”
Lucas smiled widely and touched gently Ransley’s fingers.
“I will have fun”, Lucas said. “Going to miss you, though.”
That made Ransley’s heart miss a beat and then it started beating like a crazy. He was a little bit worried about his heart’s well-being. He felt hot and he was sure his ears were red.
“Going to miss you more”, Ransley said smoothly, smirked and entwined his fingers with Lucas’. He ignored the tingling feeling he got, he ignored the blush that tried to creep from his ears to his cheeks and he ignored his heart that was not functioning properly. He just stared at Lucas and couldn’t help but smile.
He felt like he was in peace.
“Damn it”, Lucas said as he checked his phone, breaking the peace inside Ransley’s mind. “I have to go.”
Ransley got up at the same time as Lucas did. Lucas smiled at him and Ransley spread his arms. Lucas grinned happily and gave Ransley a hug. They squeezed each other tightly and then Lucas pulled away just enough so he could look Ransley in the eye.
“I really need to go”, Lucas said. “You need to let go.”
“I know it’s only a couple of days”, Ransley said quietly, eyes fixed on Lucas’, “but I really don’t want to be without you.”
“You’ll manage”, Lucas said calmly, but Ransley could clearly see that his words had made Lucas happy and he tried his best not to grin widely at Ransley. “I will see you later, alright? I promised you many dates.”
“Many dates”, Ransley repeated, and then he pulled Lucas into a kiss. The younger boy sunk his fingers in Ransley’s hair and kissed him back. Ransley slowly let go and broke the kiss, opening his eyes. “You need to go.”
Lucas sighed and opened his eyes slowly. “I know. Bye, Ransley.”
Ransley just smiled and waved his had once as he watched how Lucas walked out of the Poppy’s and disappeared.
Ransley sank down on his seat again.
His mess of a mind came back and started torturing him.
Scare them a little, the voice said. You need to.
But I can’t control myself when I transform… I don’t want to hurt Lucas.
You can control yourself. Imagine everything you’ve done and all the years you’ve lived. You are in control!
And that’s how it kept going, and Ransley kept wiggling his fingers, biting his lip until it started bleeding blood and he pulled his hair, closed his eyes, opened them and then closed them once again.
He wanted to scream, scratch his skin off and forget who he was. But he did none of that and slowly his mind came to a conclusion, that he had already came so far, he might as well go through with it.
Just a little.
I will. Just a little.
Ransley wiggled his fingers, bounced his knee up and down, glanced around him over and over again, biting his lip. He was waiting for Lucas to come for a milkshake with him at Poppy’s before he would go into the woods with his best friend, Ronald.
I can’t, Ransley thought. I won’t do it.
He felt weird. Conflicted between his feelings for Lucas and his unstable mind. His mind was not always his own and his heart was beating fast, his mind was a mess.
You need to do it, said another voice inside Ransley’s head. Do it!
Ransley pressed his palms on his face and tried breathing slowly.
I can’t do it.
Scare them a little. It will be fun. It will ease your pain.
I can’t!
But you need to.
“Ransley!” Lucas voice broke through his mind. “Did you order already?”
Ransley lifted his head up and looked at Lucas, shocked. The younger boy smiled at him, leaned in and gave him a kiss before sitting on the other side of the table. Seeing Lucas made Ransley’s restless mind calm down, he couldn’t help but smile and his eyes followed Lucas’ every move as if like his life depended on it.
“I did order”, Ransley said abruptly, remembering that Lucas had asked him a question and he had been just staring at him.
Lucas tilted his head. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine”, Ransley said and smirked out of habit. “It’s just a headache.”
Their waitress came with their milkshakes and then Ransley and Lucas drank for a moment in silence. While Lucas was staring at his milkshake being completely oblivious when Ransley stared at him and listened his mind.
It was quiet.
It happened always when he was with Lucas: his mind just went blank, it went quiet. It left him alone. Like yesterday when they had been dancing at Poppy’s and people had clapped at them. He had forgot about all his stress and nervousness.
“I can tell Ronald is not excited about this camping trip”, Lucas said suddenly and smiled, “but I am. I can’t wait! Nothing beats a good camping trip.”
“I hope you have fun”, Ransley said. “I want you to have fun.”
Lucas smiled widely and touched gently Ransley’s fingers.
“I will have fun”, Lucas said. “Going to miss you, though.”
That made Ransley’s heart miss a beat and then it started beating like a crazy. He was a little bit worried about his heart’s well-being. He felt hot and he was sure his ears were red.
“Going to miss you more”, Ransley said smoothly, smirked and entwined his fingers with Lucas’. He ignored the tingling feeling he got, he ignored the blush that tried to creep from his ears to his cheeks and he ignored his heart that was not functioning properly. He just stared at Lucas and couldn’t help but smile.
He felt like he was in peace.
“Damn it”, Lucas said as he checked his phone, breaking the peace inside Ransley’s mind. “I have to go.”
Ransley got up at the same time as Lucas did. Lucas smiled at him and Ransley spread his arms. Lucas grinned happily and gave Ransley a hug. They squeezed each other tightly and then Lucas pulled away just enough so he could look Ransley in the eye.
“I really need to go”, Lucas said. “You need to let go.”
“I know it’s only a couple of days”, Ransley said quietly, eyes fixed on Lucas’, “but I really don’t want to be without you.”
“You’ll manage”, Lucas said calmly, but Ransley could clearly see that his words had made Lucas happy and he tried his best not to grin widely at Ransley. “I will see you later, alright? I promised you many dates.”
“Many dates”, Ransley repeated, and then he pulled Lucas into a kiss. The younger boy sunk his fingers in Ransley’s hair and kissed him back. Ransley slowly let go and broke the kiss, opening his eyes. “You need to go.”
Lucas sighed and opened his eyes slowly. “I know. Bye, Ransley.”
Ransley just smiled and waved his had once as he watched how Lucas walked out of the Poppy’s and disappeared.
Ransley sank down on his seat again.
His mess of a mind came back and started torturing him.
Scare them a little, the voice said. You need to.
But I can’t control myself when I transform… I don’t want to hurt Lucas.
You can control yourself. Imagine everything you’ve done and all the years you’ve lived. You are in control!
And that’s how it kept going, and Ransley kept wiggling his fingers, biting his lip until it started bleeding blood and he pulled his hair, closed his eyes, opened them and then closed them once again.
He wanted to scream, scratch his skin off and forget who he was. But he did none of that and slowly his mind came to a conclusion, that he had already came so far, he might as well go through with it.
Just a little.
I will. Just a little.